Reincarnation AU (For intheashes)

[deadlyhairpin]

Dr. Byeong-Lee Kim was good at his job. Which, considering the lack of support and funding he normally received, was a bit of a miracle, in of itself. Add into that the additional factor that, sometimes, he felt as though he were the one going crazy, and he was walking, breathing proof of a higher power. Not that anyone would know that last fact, of course. Billy didn't get to be a well-respected psychiatrist by airing his own dirty laundry around for people to look at.

Hypocritical? Maybe. But he'd felt for a good chunk of his life that he was meant to help people. And as long as he was still able to do that, he wasn't about to do something stupid and throw it all away.

Which was why, this morning, instead of doing what should have been the smart thing and cancel all of his appointments, he was instead sitting behind his desk and typing out notes on his computer. Sipping at the coffee his administrative assistant had brought him. Humming to himself. <i>Anything</i> other than thinking about that damned dream he'd had, last night. The same one he'd been having all week that he didn't understand and couldn't seem to get away from.

A man on a horse, beside him. A strong cigarette getting passed from hand to hand. Stolen kisses. Locked doors. Bullet wounds and the sound of breaking wood as something precious fell. Broke on the ground below. A man laughing beside him. '<i>Wherever I go, Billy goes</i>'.

"Dr. Kim," the assistant interrupted, knocking on the door. "Your first appointment has arrived."

Byeong-Lee looked over his notes and found the paperwork he needed, glad for a distraction. "Send him in," he said with a wave, making some preliminary notes on the record. Planning his questions.

'<i>I knew you'd come back</i>.'

He lets out a small groan, rubbing at his eyes hard with the palms of his hand. "Stop it," he grumbled to himself, trying to will the dream away. Why? Why was it so vivid? Why could he seem to feel it? Remember it as though he'd been on that horse, himself? He groaned again and scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to just push it all away. He had work to do. People to help.

"Retrouvez votre bonne nuit," he reminds himself quietly.

And then looks up, ready to start whatever the day had prepared for him.

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[intheashes]

His voice raises as he moves. Each hard thrust has him tipping closer and closer to the edge. As it is, he's barely hanging on. He's overwhelmed, washed away in the pleasure of coming home. That's what this feels like. It's everything he's wanted, everything he needed, everything he had ever looked for but could never quite find. Because of that, he's holding himself back, fighting orgasm as if he's fighting a war. He doesn't want it to end. He never wants it to end. He finally got it and there's a small whisper that he'll never get this feeling again after this. It's a fear that comes from fleeting memories that told him that he had lost this man too soon once.

The hot admittance that Billy was going to spill had his body squeezing in anticipation. He wanted it. He wanted to feel Billy's hot pleasure filling him. He wants to feel the wet slick and the sticky fullness that comes with orgasm. He wants to feel dirty and used and loved until he has to wash it away because his tidy nature won't let it stay too long. He can only tell Billy, yes. Please yes. But when it happens, there is emptiness. The condom keeps the sensation he had wanted away and he can't help but feel a deep and pressing disappointment because he's missing something he likes.

That doesn't last too long because the doctor is speaking into his ear, in that voice that he's only heard in his deepest most secret dreams. His back arches off the wall and his fingers dig deeply into Byeong-Lee's shirt, enough that his nails rake the flesh hidden under it. His moan is broken by a sweet gasp when Billy pushes in so deeply. It's too much and he spills, not even caring how much of a mess he must have made of their clothing. Nothing matters but Billy and how desperately be keeps moving, trying to prolong it even as he orgasms, going utterly slack after, trusting the other man to keep him up until he recovers. His arms never release the doctor though, clinging hard to him as if he's afraid the man is just going to disappear now that it's over.

[deadlyhairpin]

The room bursts into applause as the two of them stop moving and it's clear that they've finished having sex. But Billy isn't paying attention. He's stroking his hands through strange, short hair. Pressing his lips to a man who looks younger and more innocent than his lover ever had before. Inhaling the scent of expensive fragrance the likes of which he's never smelled before. But which, combined with the sweat and scent of their mating, makes for one of the best things in the entire world. He'd bottle it if he could.

"Get the fuck out of there, man," someone outside says, banging on the door. Billy's head snaps to the side, shouting something nasty in Korean before he turns back to Goody and kisses him gently once more. "I'm going to put you down, Goody."

To do that, he to slip himself out. Which he does as he removes the condom inexpertly and disposes of it into the toilet, for lack of knowledge to do otherwise. It's easy to pull their clothes back on. The strange, tight clothes on Goody and his own, still strange clothes as well.

"I'm still here," he promises, once they're done. "I knew I would find you again." He crowds Goody into the wall and kisses him tenderly. But another bang and it's time to leave. Both out of the stall and out of this strange moment.

"C'mon," Billy says, a hint of Byeong-Lee's concern coloring it as he unlocks the door and the line of people applaud them once more. It cuts off quick as another two men go into the stall, clearly flustered from what they'd heard. The room groans, one saying he'll just pee in the sink at this rate, but they're out and back into the club before anarchy breaks loose. Billy pulls Goody in close, stroking a hand over his cheek, the other holding his hip.

"You're as gorgeous as I remember...."

[intheashes]

Had he heard the applause, he might have come out and bowed, the ham that he was. But he doesn't hear anything right now but Billy's voice, Billy's breath. Billy's heart beating next to his. All others sounds, all other thoughts are miles and miles away along with John. He's just lost in the moment, lost in those small kisses and the feelings he's missed for so many years. He actually whines a little when the other man pulls out of him, as if utterly unwilling to part with him and the feelings. But he has to. They have to and for a moment, he just hazily complies, letting himself be redressed as he comes down from possibly the best orgasm he's ever had.

Once they are dressed, his hand instinctively goes to catch at the doctor's shirt. It's something he vaguely remembers doing under tables when he was feeling particularly anxious. Fist twisting into Billy's shirt, tighter and tighter even as he kept his public face on and his laughter loud. Now, he does it because they are walking out into public. Walking out and people know. There is no hiding what they've done and a distant part of him feels slightly worried shame. Not for fucking the doctor. No. That he wanted more than anything. But for the fact that now this club was really going to be upset that Byeong-Lee got the coveted prize.

He staggers a little on his way out. Part of it from how drunk he still is and part of it from how intense things had been. He leans heavily on the doctor, nuzzling against the hand. He flushes a little and shakes his head. "'M not. But you are. Could look at you all night and never get tired of it. In fact..." He looks a little shyly and leans in to husk against the man's ear. "What do you say we get a cab an go back to my place, Doc?" He's never asked anyone to come home with him before, but he really wants more time with this man, with his Billy, even if he has to sneak him into his barracks.

[deadlyhairpin]

It's becoming more and more clear as they leave the haze of their bathroom fuck and enter the club proper just how drunk Goody is. And Billy doesn't think that he's nearly in the sort of mental state to be inviting someone back to his room. Not when they can't be careful about who is seeing them. Who hears them. Billy can't risk Goody like that, no matter how much he likes waking up beside him and kissing his sleep-drowsy mouth over and over, until he's properly awake.

But wait, Byeong-Lee remembers. Why would he need to hide this? They are allowed to be intimate. The army allowed homosexuality, now. There was nothing to hide. No laws that are being broken, anymore. John and he are perfectly able to be in a relationship with one another.

Well. They would be, if John wasn't his patient.

That fact sobers him up instantly. The fact that he just fucked one of his patients against a dirty, club bathroom wall ranks number one for the most depraved things he'd done in his entire life. He could lose his job for something like that. If someone saw him? Reported him? Anyone who talked with John would know that he wasn't ready to be in combat again. If his release and the fact that they were sleeping together were to get out? He'd be fired. And rightfully so.

What sort of monster was he, to take advantage of a patient?

And what sort of monster was he that he couldn't stop himself from wanting to get that cab and keep going with what they started?

He paused, looking terrified for just a second before bending down and kissing John lightly.

"I need to get you home," he said softly. "You...you need to be ready for runs, tomorrow. And...well. You know. The rest of it." He swallowed hard, remembering that John also had an appointment with him tomorrow. Fuck. Double fuck.

He needed to deal with this, before then. He needed to have a plan before John came in. Because he was sure that he wouldn't be able to just turn off how much he wanted him. How attracted he was or how right it felt to be in his arms.

He needed to have a plan. And he needed to be alone to do that.

"Let me get you home," he repeated, smiling a bit more genuinely. "And we'll...talk again in the morning, right?"