Reincarnation AU (For intheashes)

[deadlyhairpin]

Dr. Byeong-Lee Kim was good at his job. Which, considering the lack of support and funding he normally received, was a bit of a miracle, in of itself. Add into that the additional factor that, sometimes, he felt as though he were the one going crazy, and he was walking, breathing proof of a higher power. Not that anyone would know that last fact, of course. Billy didn't get to be a well-respected psychiatrist by airing his own dirty laundry around for people to look at.

Hypocritical? Maybe. But he'd felt for a good chunk of his life that he was meant to help people. And as long as he was still able to do that, he wasn't about to do something stupid and throw it all away.

Which was why, this morning, instead of doing what should have been the smart thing and cancel all of his appointments, he was instead sitting behind his desk and typing out notes on his computer. Sipping at the coffee his administrative assistant had brought him. Humming to himself. <i>Anything</i> other than thinking about that damned dream he'd had, last night. The same one he'd been having all week that he didn't understand and couldn't seem to get away from.

A man on a horse, beside him. A strong cigarette getting passed from hand to hand. Stolen kisses. Locked doors. Bullet wounds and the sound of breaking wood as something precious fell. Broke on the ground below. A man laughing beside him. '<i>Wherever I go, Billy goes</i>'.

"Dr. Kim," the assistant interrupted, knocking on the door. "Your first appointment has arrived."

Byeong-Lee looked over his notes and found the paperwork he needed, glad for a distraction. "Send him in," he said with a wave, making some preliminary notes on the record. Planning his questions.

'<i>I knew you'd come back</i>.'

He lets out a small groan, rubbing at his eyes hard with the palms of his hand. "Stop it," he grumbled to himself, trying to will the dream away. Why? Why was it so vivid? Why could he seem to feel it? Remember it as though he'd been on that horse, himself? He groaned again and scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to just push it all away. He had work to do. People to help.

"Retrouvez votre bonne nuit," he reminds himself quietly.

And then looks up, ready to start whatever the day had prepared for him.

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[deadlyhairpin]

Byeong-Lee is a man possessed as he grabs the condom. And for a second, he almost doesn't recognize what it is. Some sort of barrier between them? It's never been like that, before. But then, they've always had some sort of oil on hand and they don't have that, either. It will have to do. There's no time to wait longer. And there is a fire in Byeong-Lee's blood that is telling him to do this now. To do this now because you never know how long you actually have with someone. And this John character? This is the most important person he's ever known.

He bends forward without thinking, kissing the small birthmark and letting out a small noise, almost like a whimper. He's not sure where it came from, once it's all over, but he is too busy starting to get his own jeans off to really care all that much.

His clothes weren't as tight as John's were. The jeans come off and hit the ground around the time one of the men in the stall next to them cries out and now they are the ones who will be making all the noise. There's barely any room and there's no way to get either of them bare enough for all the exploring he wants to do. But there is enough at least for this.

"Take these off," he growls, pulling the jeans off and then kissing John deeply before helping one foot out and lifting John up to sandwich him between his body and the locked door. John's legs are encouraged around his waist and the condom wrapper is ripped open with his teeth and rolled quickly on. Byeong-Lee takes the left-over lube on his fingers and teases at John's hole with it. Both in preparation (little though it may be) and in an effort to work him up.

"Relax, or I'll hurt you." The idea of it is almost painful. "I can't hurt you, nae salang," he says, the word coming out so easily. "Relax. Tell me when you're ready..."

[intheashes]

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows he's being too easy. He knows he's drunk and he knows he's about to have sex with a man he just met less than a week ago in a bathroom stall. He hasn't even considered what will happen after. All that matters right now is the burning desire to have this man. To be with him. So much that he can barely stop touching the doctor. He just keeps running his hands over the man where eve rhe can touch. Each movement feeling so familiar, so right. It felt like a dream and one that had finally come true. A dream he doesn't want to wake up from. He can only husk his desperate need between kisses and the fumbling of their pants.

"Hurry. Oh please hurry." His dignity is thrown aside along with a cowboy boot. A leg of his jeans is off and the other hangs, fabric clinging at his mid-thigh. His shirt is mostly open and there's the doctor, still nearly fully clothed, with just is pants pooled at his ankles. His breath catches as he watches the condom roll onto Billy's hardness. Then his head falls back, thumping against the door as fingers delve into him. There's not enough lube and the stretch burns. He sucks in air and forces himself to relax, chest hitching as he accepts the pain that he knows will come, aware that after, all there will be is bliss and the feeling of being so full.

The muscles that the doctor is prodding clench down greedily and John seeks out Byeong-Lee's mouth with is. Moaning into it with each nipping kiss, hungry to have as much of the man as possible, as if drinking his fill of something he's wanted for years but only now is getting. "Quickly. I need you. Please. You don't have to be careful. I won't break." His hips shift and roll against those fingers and his legs grip strongly around Byeong-Lee's middle. He arches up to husk into the man's ear, his voice a slow, low hungry Louisiana drawl. "Please, Billy. Fuck me."

[deadlyhairpin]

That's all he needs by way of permission. Gripping Goody tight, he pulls him away from the door and pins him against the wall between their stall and the one next to them. More solid. More room for him to move back and forth in. And he's about to do a great deal of it.

"Ready?" he warned just a few seconds before he was teasing his way toward the somewhat slicked opening.

It felt familiar. This need to move fast. To get inside as quick as he could because they never knew how long they had. How soon it would be before someone stumbled on them. If they were in the open, it had to be fast. And how many times had it been just like this? Alcohol, burning lust, and passion between them, unable to let them wait even for a second as they tore away at each other's clothing.

Billy leaned in and kissed Goodnight, messy and half missing. But below their waists, he was right on target.

"Fucking Hell, Goody," he moans, lost in the feeling as he slides inside. Too caught up to realize he's calling John the wrong name. Had been thinking about him in the wrong name.

Hadn't thought twice about the fact that he'd been called the wrong name, too.

Billy and Goodnight. It sounded...right. It sounded like something that was true. Real.

It sounded like the perfect names for fucking in a stall at a cowboy bar.

Billy slid all the way in, letting Goody adjust to the feeling, just like he needed to in the past. But before long, he's spreading his legs wide and gripping Goody's tighter before starting to thrust hard and fast in and out of him.

The wall creaks. The crowd is caught between bitching about the stall being used for this and envy that they weren't in there. But soon enough, it all just fades away.

"Feel so good," he growls as he starts pounding hard into him, a man possessed. "Fuck...Little tease out on the dance floor. Worth it, now?"

[intheashes]

It hurts when the doctor presses into him. There hadn't nearly been enough lube or enough prep. He bites the inside of his cheek to stop the shout because he was going to be damned if this stopped now. He would hate himself forever if it stopped before it started. Because he was more than certain that this man, his Billy, would stop the second he thought he was in pain. If there was something his lover always had tried hard to avoid, it was hurting him.

His lover...

It sounded so nice. It's probably too soon to put titles on this, but there's not much else he can call a man who just pressed into him. Not much else he could call the one who held him and let him adjust to the feeling of that hard cock inside of him. He closes his eyes and takes a few gasping breaths, just getting used to the feel of this again. It felt like this had been what he had been missing with the others he had been with, but at the same time, it felt strange. Like between them there had only always been skin to skin. But that made no sense at all and was dangerous besides.

When he feels he's ready, he wraps his ankles around the doctor's back as best as he can, arms going to hang around his neck to hold on for dear life. He knows he won't be dropped but he's not chasing it. Instead, he clings tightly as hips start to move and everything in the entire world falls away to just this one man.

A distant part of him whispers that he should be quiet. They are in a very public place. It's only a small stall door between them and others who might mean to harm them. Walls are always too thin. Beds are always too creaky. He can't add to the sounds. Yet he does. He does because it feels so damn good to be filled over and over with each thrust that silence is impossible.

"Yes. Yes. God. Just like that. Oh..ah...harder. Mmmm." His hips soon shift to meet each thrust with hungry abandon, muscles clenching down around the man with each thrust in. He's certain the name he moans sounds far more like "Billy" than "Byeong-Lee" but he's not really clear minded enough to notice the difference. He's drunk and he's getting fucked just the way he liked best, hard and fast and passionate.

"Worth it. So so worth it. Oh..there. Right there. Again. Jesus Mary and Joseph right there!" John's hands clutch at the back of the doctor's shirt when he hits that angle that just has him crying out without even words.

[deadlyhairpin]

He's pounding into John with abandon, now, the wall shaking as he gets the angle he wanted and makes sure not to hit anywhere other than that. This wasn't the moment to make things linger. This wasn't the time for him to take John apart slowly and relish in every gasp and cry. This was passion and heat and he needed to hear John come like he's never had to hear anything in his life. "That's it, Goody," he growls, the name coming easily, even though it's not John's. But then again, he's not Billy and he's not protesting that, either. It almost as a feeling of roleplaying in it, he thinks somewhere in the back of his head. Makes him feel a bit less like he's a doctor fucking his patient in a gay club's bathroom.

And more like he's this man's long-lost lover, finding him, finally, after hundreds of years apart.

He feels that. He feels the burn of that act inside of him, enough that it chokes him as he holds John's hips and strokes along his legs as he plunges in and out, moaning with abandon as he fucks the man raw. It feels like coming home. Like he's learning a body he knew as well as he'd known his own, all over again. Like he can't get enough, can never get enough, because he finally has his love, again. And he's not going to let him go, this time.

"Jesus," he growls, starting to curse in Korean as the people outside either cheer them on or tell them to finish up. The fear that one of them is going to yank them out is there, unreasonable, but still there. He holds John tighter and helps his body move with the thrusts.

"Feels....so good," he hisses through clenched teeth. "Always feel good. Nae salang." The whole stall seems to be moving with them as he plunges deeper, faster. His own short shouts joining John's. "Let me hear you. You know I love it." His lips find John's, hard and sloppy. "C'mon. Talk, Goody. I finally have you. I need to hear you..."

[intheashes]

Each push into him is ecstasy like he's never felt before. Certainly, he's had sex, but it's never been like this. It's never felt like a thousand pieces are falling together perfectly to make a picture. A picture of this man, this man he's been searching for all his life. It's perfect and it all feels too long and too short at the same time.

His body rocks back with each thrust, meeting it, rushing towards it like it's the only thing keeping him together and keeping him sane. He feels so full of the man and each push within him ignites a spark that starts down low and travels all the way to his heart. His fingers digging harder into the doctor's dress shirt and his ankles crossing behind the man's back in a desperate need for more. Always more because he feels like he's been starving and he's finally gotten to eat and it's his favorite food.

He's not even thinking about the other people. They don't exist for him. His world has narrowed down to this stall. In his mind, when he closes his eyes, he can almost see them on a small rickety bed in a very small inn, bed pulled from the wall so not to make noise, him biting the pillow so to shut himself up while his lover pounds into him from behind, dropping hot kisses against his spine. He doesn't feel the need to be quiet like that here, even more when Billy, his Billy asks so nicely to talk.

He's always been chatty. Vocal about everything. He pulls from the kiss and his body clenches around the hard flesh within him. "I do love it. I love it when you take me. I love how good you make me feel. Ah...I feel so good. You're so perfect inside me. No other man makes me feel this way, cher. Just you. Only you. Always you. I hnnnggg...shit yes. I'm going to cum. You're going to make me cum. Your amazing dick is going to make me cum before you even touch mine. Ahhhh god, Billy, fuck me and never stop. Make a mess of me." He can't be sure just how much of that was in English and how much in French but at the moment, he doesn't rightly care. All he cares is that his Amour is right here and he has him back after all this time. He has him back and he wants to hold off on his orgasm as long as possible, just to keep feeling this man within him.

[deadlyhairpin]

Byeong-Lee can't even stop himself. The French and the English is driving him insane, the words familiar and not at the same time. The name 'Billy' touching something so deep inside of himself that it's like finding his way back home after years away. He moans, feeling Goody shake in his arms. Feeling John shake with each thrust and each snap of his hips, deeper and harder, the body in his arms so familiar that he could make him come in five minutes, if he needed to. And sometimes, he had needed to.

The wall shakes as he pounds harder, faster, the end coming as he moans against John's mouth, neck, anything he can reach. "I'm going to come," he warns, pushing his hips closer to John's so that the thrusts have the added bonus of massaging the trapped cock between them.

For a second, he can remember the last time they had sex against a wall. It had been a cliff-side, actually. No one around for miles and Goody had been able to howl like a wolf as Billy rode him for all he was worth. Poor man couldn't even look at his horse for a day and a half, but swore that it had been worth it. They didn't have the lube back then that they did, now. Didn't have anything that they had, now.

But always each other. Something they've finally remedied in this life, now.

Byeong-Lee fades, Billy huffing hot breaths against Goody's lips as his movements get more exact. More practiced. "Spill for me, Goody. Let me see you come apart..." And with a final snap, he leads the way, crying out as he comes hard, pushing deep into his lover as he rides it out with small gasps and moans. Still moving his hips, once he recovers from the crest of it, using the residual hardness to keep Goody going.

[intheashes]

His voice raises as he moves. Each hard thrust has him tipping closer and closer to the edge. As it is, he's barely hanging on. He's overwhelmed, washed away in the pleasure of coming home. That's what this feels like. It's everything he's wanted, everything he needed, everything he had ever looked for but could never quite find. Because of that, he's holding himself back, fighting orgasm as if he's fighting a war. He doesn't want it to end. He never wants it to end. He finally got it and there's a small whisper that he'll never get this feeling again after this. It's a fear that comes from fleeting memories that told him that he had lost this man too soon once.

The hot admittance that Billy was going to spill had his body squeezing in anticipation. He wanted it. He wanted to feel Billy's hot pleasure filling him. He wants to feel the wet slick and the sticky fullness that comes with orgasm. He wants to feel dirty and used and loved until he has to wash it away because his tidy nature won't let it stay too long. He can only tell Billy, yes. Please yes. But when it happens, there is emptiness. The condom keeps the sensation he had wanted away and he can't help but feel a deep and pressing disappointment because he's missing something he likes.

That doesn't last too long because the doctor is speaking into his ear, in that voice that he's only heard in his deepest most secret dreams. His back arches off the wall and his fingers dig deeply into Byeong-Lee's shirt, enough that his nails rake the flesh hidden under it. His moan is broken by a sweet gasp when Billy pushes in so deeply. It's too much and he spills, not even caring how much of a mess he must have made of their clothing. Nothing matters but Billy and how desperately be keeps moving, trying to prolong it even as he orgasms, going utterly slack after, trusting the other man to keep him up until he recovers. His arms never release the doctor though, clinging hard to him as if he's afraid the man is just going to disappear now that it's over.

[deadlyhairpin]

The room bursts into applause as the two of them stop moving and it's clear that they've finished having sex. But Billy isn't paying attention. He's stroking his hands through strange, short hair. Pressing his lips to a man who looks younger and more innocent than his lover ever had before. Inhaling the scent of expensive fragrance the likes of which he's never smelled before. But which, combined with the sweat and scent of their mating, makes for one of the best things in the entire world. He'd bottle it if he could.

"Get the fuck out of there, man," someone outside says, banging on the door. Billy's head snaps to the side, shouting something nasty in Korean before he turns back to Goody and kisses him gently once more. "I'm going to put you down, Goody."

To do that, he to slip himself out. Which he does as he removes the condom inexpertly and disposes of it into the toilet, for lack of knowledge to do otherwise. It's easy to pull their clothes back on. The strange, tight clothes on Goody and his own, still strange clothes as well.

"I'm still here," he promises, once they're done. "I knew I would find you again." He crowds Goody into the wall and kisses him tenderly. But another bang and it's time to leave. Both out of the stall and out of this strange moment.

"C'mon," Billy says, a hint of Byeong-Lee's concern coloring it as he unlocks the door and the line of people applaud them once more. It cuts off quick as another two men go into the stall, clearly flustered from what they'd heard. The room groans, one saying he'll just pee in the sink at this rate, but they're out and back into the club before anarchy breaks loose. Billy pulls Goody in close, stroking a hand over his cheek, the other holding his hip.

"You're as gorgeous as I remember...."

[intheashes]

Had he heard the applause, he might have come out and bowed, the ham that he was. But he doesn't hear anything right now but Billy's voice, Billy's breath. Billy's heart beating next to his. All others sounds, all other thoughts are miles and miles away along with John. He's just lost in the moment, lost in those small kisses and the feelings he's missed for so many years. He actually whines a little when the other man pulls out of him, as if utterly unwilling to part with him and the feelings. But he has to. They have to and for a moment, he just hazily complies, letting himself be redressed as he comes down from possibly the best orgasm he's ever had.

Once they are dressed, his hand instinctively goes to catch at the doctor's shirt. It's something he vaguely remembers doing under tables when he was feeling particularly anxious. Fist twisting into Billy's shirt, tighter and tighter even as he kept his public face on and his laughter loud. Now, he does it because they are walking out into public. Walking out and people know. There is no hiding what they've done and a distant part of him feels slightly worried shame. Not for fucking the doctor. No. That he wanted more than anything. But for the fact that now this club was really going to be upset that Byeong-Lee got the coveted prize.

He staggers a little on his way out. Part of it from how drunk he still is and part of it from how intense things had been. He leans heavily on the doctor, nuzzling against the hand. He flushes a little and shakes his head. "'M not. But you are. Could look at you all night and never get tired of it. In fact..." He looks a little shyly and leans in to husk against the man's ear. "What do you say we get a cab an go back to my place, Doc?" He's never asked anyone to come home with him before, but he really wants more time with this man, with his Billy, even if he has to sneak him into his barracks.

[deadlyhairpin]

It's becoming more and more clear as they leave the haze of their bathroom fuck and enter the club proper just how drunk Goody is. And Billy doesn't think that he's nearly in the sort of mental state to be inviting someone back to his room. Not when they can't be careful about who is seeing them. Who hears them. Billy can't risk Goody like that, no matter how much he likes waking up beside him and kissing his sleep-drowsy mouth over and over, until he's properly awake.

But wait, Byeong-Lee remembers. Why would he need to hide this? They are allowed to be intimate. The army allowed homosexuality, now. There was nothing to hide. No laws that are being broken, anymore. John and he are perfectly able to be in a relationship with one another.

Well. They would be, if John wasn't his patient.

That fact sobers him up instantly. The fact that he just fucked one of his patients against a dirty, club bathroom wall ranks number one for the most depraved things he'd done in his entire life. He could lose his job for something like that. If someone saw him? Reported him? Anyone who talked with John would know that he wasn't ready to be in combat again. If his release and the fact that they were sleeping together were to get out? He'd be fired. And rightfully so.

What sort of monster was he, to take advantage of a patient?

And what sort of monster was he that he couldn't stop himself from wanting to get that cab and keep going with what they started?

He paused, looking terrified for just a second before bending down and kissing John lightly.

"I need to get you home," he said softly. "You...you need to be ready for runs, tomorrow. And...well. You know. The rest of it." He swallowed hard, remembering that John also had an appointment with him tomorrow. Fuck. Double fuck.

He needed to deal with this, before then. He needed to have a plan before John came in. Because he was sure that he wouldn't be able to just turn off how much he wanted him. How attracted he was or how right it felt to be in his arms.

He needed to have a plan. And he needed to be alone to do that.

"Let me get you home," he repeated, smiling a bit more genuinely. "And we'll...talk again in the morning, right?"